“Baki, while alive was the kind of child that everyone noticed,” said his mother, Marge Eiseman.
“Not because he was loud and obnoxious, but because he was so blessed. He was physically beautiful, smart, kind and athletic. And he was calm. He had an impact all of his own.”
“He was a great athlete but also a good sport and an intelligent person. Someone who radiated joy,” said his father, Andrew Muchin.
Benjamin “Baki” Muchin died in his sleep on the night between Jan. 23-24. The cause was brain inflammation, though it is still not known what caused the swelling.
In the days after Baki’s death, family and friends came together to reach out to the Eiseman-Muchin family, which also includes Baki’s 15-year-old twin brothers, Jonathan and Jacob, and nine-year-old Zachary.
“When one is awash in grief, there is little one can do for oneself or anybody. When you are facing the death of a loved one, there is really nothing anyone can say to console you,” Muchin said.
Yet, he added that he has felt “concern and caring from the moment Baki died. People have been calling, reaching out and checking and helping us move along in our lives.”
After Baki’s funeral on Jan. 25, Baki’s soccer team, the Shorewood Strikers, decided to wear black armbands the rest of the season, as well as to start each game with one man down for the first 10 seconds.
“Baki was number 10,” Muchin said.
The team played the Whitefish Bay indoor soccer tournament this past weekend, and took second place. “They played their hearts out in Baki’s memory,” said Muchin. One of Baki’s teammates presented his trophy to Baki’s family afterward.
‘Broke down barriers’
“Baki’s death broke down so many barriers between people,” Muchin said, of the many who have shown his family concern.
“People were just there and that was what we needed. It was humbling to see so many people. Just the presence of the people and their sincere expressions.”
“I feel like I live in the middle of some bizarre Venn diagram,” said Eiseman, noting that friends and family who came for support in the days since Baki’s death are “close friends, close Sinai friends, [Milwaukee Jewish Day School] families — some live in my neighborhood.”
Both Eiseman and her husband named many friends who have given of their time over the past week, who “put their lives on hold,” including Nancy and Jim Stillman, who “practically moved into my house,” Eiseman said.
“They have brought more cakes, lasagnas and pounds of coffee,” she said. “It’s a lovely gesture.”
During the shiva period, Eiseman estimates there were between 250-300 people in her home at some times.
“I think a lot of it was about people needed to reach out and assure us that we were loved. They wanted to create a tangible web of love to hold us up because this is an abyss you could sink into.
“When we did the minyans, people were standing on the stairs. They couldn’t get into the house,” she said. But “Everyone needed this time. Everyone hurts. It’s like the whole community lost this child.”
Rabbi Philip Nadel, co-director and Jewish Studies principal of MJDS, where Baki was a sixth grader, and Zachary is in third grade, agreed that Baki’s death touched many lives.
“This really impacted the entire Milwaukee community. The school community was directly affected,” he said.
Student grief
Nadel said he was on his way out of his home for school last Monday morning, when he received the news.
“When something like this happens, people feel so powerless,” he said.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had to tell a group of students that one of their classmates has died.” But, Nadel said, “Communication was the key. We were prompt in telling kids and parents.”
Nadel said one of the school’s first responsibilities was to “Baki’s classmates” and also “helping students, staff and parents as well” to “cope with the grief that came with this.”
The school “worked very hard to arrange for programming and substitute teachers” for lower grade levels and “canceled middle school classes” on the day of Baki’s funeral so that middle school students and parents could attend without worrying about the care of younger siblings at the school.
MJDS has also helped the family organize a morning minyan at the school for the sheloshim (first 30 days) period.
“This way we’re able to say Kaddish every day in a place that really has some meaning for us and had some meaning for Baki,” Muchin said.
In addition, “ a number of Baki’s sixth-grade friends came to the funeral and came through our house. I was impressed with their maturity and ability to reach out to us,” he said.
The school provided children the “opportunity to write and share openly” about Baki’s death, said Nadel, through “drawings, poems and letters to the family. They all came from such an honest and loving place.”
Some of them were read during the shiva minyans, Muchin said.
“Everyone who hears and has heard weeps with us,” Eiseman said.
“This is our worst nightmare that happened for no known reason. People want to blame. They want to distance themselves from the pain. The only answer is to sit with it until it becomes something else,” she said.
Muchin says that all of the “love and support” the family has received “has taught me what community is all about and what my responsibilities are. I don’t think I truly understood. I learned a lesson I hope I can apply in the rest of my life.”
“Think about how precious life is and short it can be,” Eiseman urged. “And in Baki’s memory, make blessings. He is inspiring all of us to be better. He is pulling us up with him. His life will continue to make meaning for us and his memory will make blessings.
“That is how I am getting through my days. A breath at a time and a lesson at a time.”
In addition to his parents and brothers, Baki is survived by his grandparents, Bob and Eve Eiseman of Mequon; and Irv and Jan Berlin of Grafton. Memorial contributions can be made to the Milwaukee Jewish Day School or Congregation Sinai, c/o The Barbara Eiseman Fund.
Loading ...