We’re ready for a new year, but your service is appreciated
Rob Golub
Dear 5786:
Thank you for your service. After careful review, we have decided not to renew your contract.
We received applications from several highly qualified years, including a whole bunch before Oct. 7, 2023, and we would have taken any of them over you, quite frankly.
But time being what it is, always progressing forward, we have decided to move ahead with 5787. I guess.
5786, you were a fine year, with many bar mitzvahs, brisses, and social media likes well-earned by people worldwide, but you did have your issues.
And here’s where we must diverge a bit from the levity. The problems are not funny:
- The year opened on Oct. 2 with a terrorist attack at a British synagogue on Yom Kippur that left two Jewish worshippers dead.
- Then, Bondi Beach, where 15 people were murdered at an Australian Chanukah celebration.
- Then, a truck rammed into a Michigan synagogue and preschool; security responded quickly and no staff or educators were injured.
- Then, then, then …
It appears some are concluding that hurting random Jews does something about their grievances. But it does not.
The reality is that Prime Minister Benajmin Netanyahu is not going to call me up tomorrow morning and say, “Hey, Rob, I was wondering what you think I should do today?” An Israeli who may not share my politics is not going to text me to ask, “Hey, how should I live my Tuesday?”
Most of us are powerless to do much, if anything, about Israeli, American, or other events or policies we may disagree with. Oh, one can speak out, share their opinions, and many Jews with varying views are doing exactly that, yet the hate for all of us still comes.
Add to all this the antisemitic notion that Jews are behind secret evil in the world, and you can see the delusion at work. It’s like they think we are all the same. Like we all agree. Like we are all working together on the Evil Committee.
But, um, have you ever seen one of our committees?
Maybe it takes knowing us to see the ridiculousness. What two Jews ever agreed perfectly? Who are these magical Jews without strong conflicting opinions?
It makes me wonder if the salve to antisemitism is to invite the whole world to a High Holidays meal for a good, old-fashioned Jewish debate about nothing. Let them see how much we all agree. Or don’t.
Here, I’ll throw these key words onto the table, for some aggravation and disagreement:
Mamdani.
Iran war.
Governor’s race.
Netanyahu.
Trump.
Elon.
AOC.
Metro Market or Pick N’ Save?
(Feel free to use these as a guide to spice up your family time and let me know how it goes. I apologize if it kills the day.)
Looking on the bright side, 5786, I’ll say that you had some good things to offer. The remaining living hostages came home from Gaza. Former hostage Eliya Cohen married Ziv Abud, who survived the Nova massacre. He had bought her engagement ring before Oct. 7. About 1,000 people attended.
Plus, the Maccabiah Games returned to Israel after being postponed, bringing thousands of Jewish athletes from more than 40 countries.
And the Brewers beat Seattle 22-0 just last month, tying the modern major-league shutout record. Oof, Seattle. No George Webb for you.
Finally, the real home run may be that the Jewish people continued to endure, seeking better for 5787.
May we get there as soon as we can, with a slide into home plate.
Rob Golub is editor of the Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle. The Chronicle publishes a variety of opinion articles, including this one, which are not necessarily representative of the views of this newspaper or its publisher.
