Have the conversations, collect the information, and make choices before end of life
Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home maintains historic burial records, going back to 1927. “This has been a wonderful resource for our families,” said Debra Marcus Watton, president at Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home. “They sometimes use this as a guide to say, well, what did this person choose for their parents? What did they want, right? But also for genealogy … it’s amazing for genealogy.”
You don’t want to read this. You probably should.
Those who work with grieving families agree: Preplanning is so much better, well before we get to those terrible days of pain and confusion, when a loved one passes away.
You can create a written plan at home or meet with a funeral home, or both. “There is comfort in having peace of mind, knowing that that folder is here,” said Debra Marcus Watton, president at Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home.
“I’ve heard this more than once, that it’s kind of like going to the dentist,” said Charlie Goodman, licensed funeral director with Blane Goodman Funeral Service in Mequon. “It’s not something you necessarily look forward to doing, but you feel better after you leave.”
The consequences that result from a lack of planning are difficult for professionals to watch (see, Pre-planning can prevent the most terrible pain). Here’s how to get started.
Write a plan, have a meeting
Funeral homes maintain free pre-planning documents online, to get you started. Questions can include whether you’ve been in military service, names of relatives or close friends, and preferred location of funeral service. You can also come in and chat, at no charge, Marcus Watton said.
“We meet with a lot of people in person,” Goodman said. “Some people live out of state. So it can be a combination of forms, phone calls, emails. I met with somebody on Zoom this morning about planning ahead. So it really can be wherever, kind of, whatever their level of tech is, wherever they’re comfortable. We can meet them.”
Local partners in the Jewish community purchased the Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home earlier this century, obtaining with it a trove of historic burial records, going back to 1927.
In a meeting, discussion can unearth a lot. Do your adult children know your education level? Your Social Security number? If there’s a second marriage, has there been discussion of where burial would be preferred?
What of Hebrew names and nuances in spellings? “Sometimes we can trace back; we spend a lot of time tracing back headstones, and sometimes we look at a ketubah. These are things that will make everything smoother and easier for a family and reduce stress,” Marcus Watton said.
Prefunding or not?
Pre-planning does not have to mean prefunding a burial and other expenses.
Yet it can be financially advantageous to consider a burial insurance policy before a loved one enters assisted living. Sometimes people choose to “spend down,” which refers to depleting assets to qualify for government financial aid. A burial insurance policy may help with that strategy, giving you the ability to spend down while maintaining a source for end-of-life expenses, under some circumstances. Talk to a funeral professional or a financial adviser for more information.
Certified therapy dog Junie is available to interested families and often joins meetings. She is 6 and has been with the funeral home since she was 8 weeks old. “Sometimes when there are children here, she’ll just come in and plop down right next to them,” said Debra Marcus Watton, president at Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home. Junie’s brother Miles is also a therapy dog with the funeral home.
Tom Andrus, pre-need agent and funeral director at Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home, suggests looking at this as a “gift to your kids.”
Have no fear
“A lot of the discomfort that people have about making a call to us to talk about preplanning is based on fear,” Marcus Watton said. “There’s superstition. There’s fear that they will be uncomfortable, which I hope they won’t, because we try to make it very conversational.”
If it helps, at Goodman-Bensman Whitefish Bay Funeral Home, you’re welcome to have one of the two therapy dogs present.
Junie and Miles like treats and families
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