Joy, grief and healing as told by a pelvic health specialist

Debbie Callif, a Milwaukee-based occupational therapist, reminds us to seek out physical, mental and spiritual support

If you’re a woman facing challenges during or after pregnancy, there may be an option you’ve never heard of, a local option with Jewish inspiration.  

That “option” is named Debbie Callif. She is a pelvic health therapist, a specialist within the realm of occupational therapy.  

“When I started doing this over 30 years ago, the physical therapists did legs down, occupational therapists [focused on the] upper body, and whoever was brave enough did the middle,” Callif said.  

“I was one of the brave people,” she admitted. As it turns out, this bravery was necessary in more ways than one.  

Callif uses massage therapy and other tactics to help women during and after pregnancy to feel their best, both physically and emotionally. While some of these women have easy journeys, many others face harrowing challenges. She wants you to know that her field exists, that there are great options for women, and that discomfort is not an inevitability. Her Jewish identity inspires her. 

Underneath our skin is a thin layer of connective tissue, Callif said.  According to Callif, this connective tissue can get tight and uncomfortable, especially during pregnancy.  

“I work from under their diaphragm … sort of stretching things out so that they can breathe easier. It’s so fun to work on these mamas, because the babies start moving around [as if they’re realizing] ‘I can move. I’m not stuck,’” she said. 

Callif uses the same strategies on women who have had miscarriages. “Their bodies change, their pelvis widens, and their connective tissue [tightens] even though the baby is gone. Their body has to heal, physically and emotionally.” 

As an occupational therapist, half of Callif’s training was in physical disability, and the other half was in psychosocial skills, she said.  

“I work to get these mamas out of the fight or flight sympathetic nervous system into the parasympathetic, which is rest, digest, feel and heal,” Callif said. “If our bodies feel like they’re under attack, and you’re so unregulated because [for example], you lost your baby, then your body doesn’t heal the way somebody else’s body would.” 

It is often very difficult to help her patients enter a regulated state, Callif said. “Every single woman I work with is like, ‘What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?’ And I haven’t found one woman who’s done anything wrong, truthfully.” 

In these difficult moments, Callif uses her Jewish identity as support. “In Judaism, it’s okay to question and to be angry at God and to be confused and fearful,” she said. “It’s okay to be like that and to be okay also with not having answers. I want answers. You want answers. We all just want answers. But not everything has [answers]. Judaism teaches that.” 

Recently, someone close to Callif lost a baby in the second trimester. The experience renewed her drive to advocate for finding physical and mental support throughout the pregnancy and fertility journey. “I just think women and families need to know this,” she said. “That they’re not alone.” 

“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been; if your heart is still aching and you’re finding that your body isn’t responding the way you want it to, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, get help,” Callif said.  

“And if you get help and it’s not fitting,” she emphasized, “then go find help somewhere else.”