Grief and hardship, as told by a family man
Children scrambled to and fro as the sound of community filled the air at a Congregation Shalom family Shabbat, but the Seigels were in their own bubble, sitting expectantly.
“Sammy, my older one, who will turn 7 in a couple of months … [was] like, ‘When are they going to say his name?’ And I said, ‘Very soon, but, you know, hang in there.’ And then they did,” Matt Seigel said.
The name they were waiting to hear was that of Benjamin Gino Seigel. This was the yahrzeit of the Seigels’ first son, who died nine years ago at only 17 days old. The Seigels faced much adversity along the road to building a family. They worked through grief, physical and mental hardships, financial burdens, and the devastating loss of Benjamin.
Moved by it all, Matt Seigel recently published a memoir titled “Not How I Drew It Up: One Man’s Unthinkable Journey to Fatherhood,” which shares the story of his family’s long and strenuous fertility journey. He seeks to aid others facing similar struggles.
Infertility affects one in six people, but “for men in particular, it’s not talked about much at all,” Seigel said. “People say, ‘Hang in there.’ ‘Stay strong.’ You’re supposed to be the tough guy and support your partner. And you can do all of those things, but … I don’t find [bottling up your feelings] to be the best way to go about processing.”
While Seigel published “Not How I Drew It Up” to help all people facing fertility struggles, he particularly targeted it towards the partners of childbearing individuals. “I wanted to put this out there to let other people know that they can be seen and heard and relate to somebody who’s been through it.”
Learn more about “Not How I Drew It Up,” including upcoming events and how to get a copy of the book, at NotHowIDrewItUp.com.
Seigel supplemented his memoir with intermittent advice and resources for new or attempting parents, “that hopefully can help somebody avoid some of the perils that we encountered,” Seigel said.
“Despite the tragedy that exists in this story, there were some really good things, you know, obviously two really good things, to come out of it,” said Seigel.
These “two really good things” are turning 7 and 3 this year. “I feel very grateful for the boys that I have here on Earth,” Seigel said.
The Seigels and their community continue to keep Benjamin close in their hearts.
Shortly after his passing, Congregation Shalom announced their new ‘Benjamin Gino Seigel Early Childhood Fund,’ which supports their youth programs, including the family Shabbat the Seigels attended on Benjamin’s own yahrzeit.
Loading ...