There is general agreement that silence in the face of everyday hate is not helpful.
Elie Wiesel, the renowned survivor and conscience of the Holocaust, taught us that. He pointed out that silence and indifference help the perpetrators of undue hatred because it unwittingly condones it. Although the Beatles sang “All You Need is Love,” Wiesel taught us that love is not enough, that love is not the opposite of hate. Goodness knows that the most intense, volatile, and recalcitrant hatred can come out of the closest relationships, such as intimate couples and families.
As a consequence, standing up to inappropriate hate has become a popular stance against antisemitism and other hatreds. But a bit of caution is in order. It can feel good to stand up to the bad, but ineffective. How do you successfully stand up without being knocked down, ignored, or making things worse? Moreover, and common among the Jewish people, we have internal disagreements, which often have to be resolved or ignored to present a united front, otherwise haters and enemies can use a divide-and-conquer strategy. And, first, we must remember that sometimes hate is appropriate and deserved, perhaps like my hatred of Hitler as an obvious example.
My field of psychology and psychiatry has some answers, but they may seem counterintuitive and thereby not used often enough. Not using them enough may help explain why we haven’t made enough progress against hate, which is a natural tendency of human beings toward those we fear or dislike because they are different. A quest for power over those who are different ensues. That sort of negative othering can also be due to jealously of the success of the other. Hatred can be of those viewed as inferior as well as the jealousy of those viewed as superior or chosen as superior.
Scientific research has shown us the best ways to open people’s minds toward new ways of thinking and reacting. It is not through protests, hostile arguments, or shaming the other. Contempt of the other is the worst. It breaks up relationships, like in marriage. The best approach is through curiosity and respectful conversations. Otherwise, what we call confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance comes into play, leading to values and ideas becoming even more embraced, the opposite of what is desired. If humiliation is involved, backlash and revenge of some sort is not unusual. As another participant in an intercultural meeting: “I had to learn not to call out in anger, but healthily.”
In other words, we need to be more upstanders than bystanders. Another term for upstanders is everyday heroes. Although some people are more naturally upstanders and everyday heroes, it can also be taught and imagined, such as by the nonprofit Heroic Imagination Project, which conducts workshops for businesses and schools to promote acts of heroism in everyday life. Imagining and practicing how one might respond to threatening hatred can help prepare one to respond helpfully.
Because standing up to hatred can also be dangerous, it is important to assess the situation, and to have adequate security nearby or called if seems necessary and practically possible. Being part of a likeminded and supportive group can be supportive in its own right and reduce the danger.
Besides these sorts of opportunities with strangers or acquaintances, corrective emotional experiences can help change the most hateful antisemites. That means slowly developing a positive relationship that counters the haters’ assumptions. Once that is established, education can be accepted more easily, including for those who have been trapped by cultish and conspiracy thinking. If worse comes to worse, formal interventions like anger management or even incarceration for criminal hate crimes become necessary.
Prevention is actually the best way to stand up to hate because it reduces the occurrence of undue hatred in the first place. Needed are empathic parents and teachers who instill within children an acceptance of those who are different in normal ways. Adults who identify with all people are also less likely to hate. I am a Jewish American Earthling! Finally, societal opportunities for self-actualization reduce the likelihood of blaming others for the shortcomings we all have. Clearly, we humans can do better.
Hate is so destructive, primarily to the recipient but also to the perpetrator, that in our recent Interfaith Seder in Milwaukee, I labelled it as the 11th plague. Not only that, but when the hatred hits the Jews first, it inevitably ripples out to other vulnerable societal groups.
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About the writer
From the beginning of the Covid pandemic, Wisconsin’s Dr. H. Steven (Hillel) Moffic has been writing a column – now numbering over 600 – about “Psychiatric Views on the Daily News” four weekdays a week, as well as a weekly video – now numbering over 200 – about “Society and Psychiatry” – for the largest psychiatric publication in the world, Psychiatric Times. Many include the relevance of his Judaism. He is currently a pro bono private community psychiatrist.
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Moffic’s 7 words for Standing Up Against Hate
- United
- Respectfully
- Upstanding
- Safely
- Supportively
- Preventing
- Educationally
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