Mayim Bialik burst into pop culture as lead of the 1990s NBC-TV series “Blossom.” After the show wrapped, she earned a doctorate in neuroscience at the University of California-Los Angeles while marrying and becoming the mother to two sons.
She has returned to television as a regular on the CBS series “The Big Bang Theory.” Bialik, 36, also blogs regularly at the Jewish parenting site Kveller.
Bialik spoke at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee on Nov. 29 at an event co-sponsored by Hillel Milwaukee, the Student Association of UWM, and the UWM Women’s Resource Center. While in town, she was interviewed by Alexandra “Sasha” Leykin, a UWM senior majoring in public relations. Selected and edited excerpts of that conversation follow.
You have a Ph.D. in neuroscience. What was your motivation, to pursue such a high degree instead of continuing with your acting career?
I come from an immigrant family so there was a huge emphasis on college and it was important for me to go to college even though I had my own TV show. Honestly, in 1994 when “Blossom” ended, it wasn’t very popular for movie directors to want to hire TV actors, whereas now you see TV and movie actors move back and forth. Back then it was considered a smart move for me to take some time off from the industry anyway.
I went to school and really loved it; the acting world was very quiet at that point, especially people who were former sitcom actresses, so I just kept on going. It’s sort of the trajectory, I got an undergraduate degree in neuroscience and there wasn’t a master’s at UCLA, so I just went straight for a Ph.D.
What was it like going back to Hollywood after taking so much time off for school?
I basically had to start from scratch. It’s not like I had any leg up on the situation because I had a sitcom in the 90s. If anything, that was a detriment and I really had to fight against that. I just started auditioning for anything – I did an episode of “Bones,” an episode of “Saving Grace” – whatever people would hire me for. I think it’s gotten even harder for women, if that’s possible, to not be perfect, skinny, and all that stuff. I started acting again after I had my second son; it really gives you another perspective when you have other things to go home to. It’s just totally different being an adult in this industry as opposed to being a teenager and having my mom always there.
What is better, being a neuroscientist on TV or on the real life? Which one is more demanding?
I guess it’s pretty good playing a neuroscientist because I don’t have to bring home all of the neuroscientist lab problems with me when I’m done with a day at work. Academia and show business have people with a lot of ego and a lot to prove; both are difficult. I think that, hour for hour, the lifestyle is better playing a neuroscientist. We have a physics consultant on the show, but he doesn’t necessarily know neuroscience, so sometimes the writers and producers will ask me for ideas and suggestions. Sometimes there are words that are just easier for me to memorize if they’re actually consistent with neuroscience lingo so I’ll ask if I can correct those.
You were raised in Reform Judaism. What made you decide to delve deeper into your religion?
I started studying in college. My husband converted before we got married and so as part of his conversion process we studied together. For me, a big part of becoming an adult away form the industry was sort of about making my own decisions. I felt like there was a lot I didn’t know about something that’s so fundamental to me. I didn’t know much about it and I thought it was irresponsible of me to claim that I knew stuff about who I was and what I wanted when I hadn’t really researched it at all.
I was super involved in Hillel. I was a very active student leader in our Hillel: I led the a capella group, started a women’s group, my friend and I compiled the prayer book – which is still the one that they use now. I literally typed in all of it, the Hebrew and the transliteration, for our entire Friday night book. I worked on the kosher meal program at UCLA. Hillel was my main social circle. My husband and I did our engagement party at our Hillel. We did our aufruf at our Hillel before we got married.
It’s as much a part of me as my skin. Even before I chose to study more or take on more observance, I still had a very deep sense, like there was something special about being Jewish. Now, I think it guides a lot more of my behavior in a positive way. For me, it’s the most pleasurable way to I really refine my character and really become the person I want to be.
You say you identify with “Conservadox Judaism.” What exactly does that mean?
I don’t identify with Conservative Judaism, meaning there are things that I want to do that are more than that, but I’m not yet able to say that I’m Modern Orthodox, largely because of my work constraints. I think in most respects, I identify with Modern Orthodoxy. I identify with living a life that is consistent with Jewish law, and all that stuff in the modern world. However, for example, I had to kiss Jim Parsons on television and that’s one of the things that makes me uncomfortable saying I’m Modern Orthodox when I publicly do things that would not be.
How do you reconcile Hollywood standards with your standards as an observant woman?
A lot of is just putting one foot in front of the other and doing your best. I’m choosing not to compete on certain levels; I don’t even know if it’s Hollywood standards, it’s the standards, unfortunately for all of us. I feel like media is reflecting a lot of what’s going on in the world and with what people value. There are of course exceptions, but I think for me, I try and lessen the restriction. I prefer to cover the elbow, but I’ll do short sleeves if I have exhausted all possibilities. So I found places to give a little bit where I can. Ultimately, it feels crummy to not be appreciated for who you are, but again, I don’t feel like that’s just a Mayim problem, it’s something everybody deals with.
Have you ever felt like you were being looked down upon for being Jewish and observant in Hollywood?
I don’t know if it’s looked down – it’s just very unusual. I have yet to meet another actress. I’ve heard there are a couple of actors – I think one on “Law and Order” – there are producers and writers that I know of, but they’re all men. I think there’s one female writer.
You have to be in a certain a position in your career where you are able to say, “I will not come to work on Yom Kippur.” I hope to get there, but I’m very grateful for my job; I may not do things perfectly, which is why I don’t wave a banner of Orthodoxy, but the values that govern these decisions are things that I would hope all Jews might find interesting and even some non-Jews as well.
Do you have any advice to inspire a new generation of young fans that don’t know you from your days on “Blossom”?
I honestly think that the media is so much more in your face than it was when I was younger and I think that it can be very deceptive. I think that people assume a lot about actors especially and the fact is, they’re people. We’re people, we’re not perfect, we’re paid to entertain people; beyond that, I don’t know that I would say this is the role model to look for. I think that there’s a lot of value to helping people, to learning, and to studying and that’s where I hope people will spend their time.
I love Israel; it’s my favorite place to go. I have family there so I’ve been about a dozen times. We’ve been twice since we’ve had kids and I think we’ll hopefully go again next summer. I love the Kotel [Western Wall]; the first time I went to Israel it was raining on Chanukah at the Kotel. It was such an interesting combination of sensation because they light a huge Chanukkiah and it was raining and dark.
There’s a lot about the episode where Amy gets her feelings hurt. I learned to play the harp for the show. I’m a musician, I play piano, trumpet, and bass guitar, but to learn a new instrument like that has been great. I think the episode where I got to kiss Jim Parsons was fun. We recently did an episode where he and I become boyfriend/girlfriend. I really love the tenderness to this relationship because for those of us who were not skilled socially, even in junior high, high school or whatever, there’s that sweetness and I think that’s what Jim and I both really tried to preserve for these characters.
Given the general liberalism of Hollywood, do you encounter serious anti-Israel/pro-Palestinian sentiment there?
I can’t say that I’ve run into it a lot; you’ll find this not only in Hollywood, but often, very liberal Jews are sometimes very conservative on Israel. I have found that with some people, though it has not come up personally. When [rock singer] Elvis Costello boycotted and wouldn’t play in Israel, I remember that was kind of a big deal for me. Not just because I like him, but it feels like it’s sort of getting closer to our lives, when famous musicians are taking those kinds of stances, I think also as an academic person, the university boycotts of Israeli professors, is so absurd to me.
I think there’s been a lot of healthy criticism. We can’t say Israel is faultless and everything is perfect, but that we need to be very specific about how we approach the issue of Israel and do it with extreme sensitivity.
You have a book coming out in March.
Yes, I have a book coming out called “Beyond the Sling.” I’m a very reluctant book writer, because I wasn’t looking to write a book. I write for a Jewish website called Kveller, I write about a lot of things there – about being Jewish, about being a mom, about Hollywood – it’s sort of helped me hone this voice and I was approached to write a book about this style of parenting that we live in our house.
“Attachment parenting” is basically parenting the way mammals do, natural birth, co-sleeping with your kids, and breast feeding until they’re done, wearing your baby, holding them close to you and things like that. This book is not like a parenting book, I know that’s the category that it gets placed under, but it’s more what each of the elements of parenting look like in our house. I’m not telling people that you have to co-sleep, but here’s kind of what it looks like, here’s why we do it and here’s some of the values underneath it. So even if you don’t want to co-sleep with them, at least you can maybe understand what that closeness means at night and how to help a child who wants to co-sleep with you and etc.