If you have a child or are thinking about having a child, you have likely asked yourself, “What can I do to assure that my child will be a healthy and well-adjusted adult?”
And, if you asked this question aloud, you most likely received so many responses that you feel even more confused than you were before. Let me offer my finest and most important parenting tip — bond with your child.
Bonding is the attachment, beginning at birth, that forms between an infant and its mother and influences the child’s psychological and physical development. That bond draws the parent to the child and provides for the child a feeling of trust and safety.
I encourage parents and caregivers to practice five antecedents known to impact the attachment ratio: body contact, maternal sensitivity, physical availability, psychological availability and psychological warmth.
These precursors to a child’s healthy psychological and physical development, including baby wearing (using a cloth infant carrier that hugs a parent’s body), breastfeeding, immediate response to crying, room sharing, communication/signing, and loving interactions, help to create increased neurological capacity in infants, which leads to an increased ability to handle stress in adulthood.
Body contact is crucial in early experiences and should begin immediately after the infant is born. This includes breastfeeding and holding the baby as often as possible in order to increase the mother’s levels of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and decrease stress.
Parents often find that “baby wearing” increases their ability to continue with their regular household routines while optimizing the amount of oxytocin produced. Additionally, the use of a cloth carrier (versus plastic held baby carriers) has shown an increased rate of bonding and attachment in infants due to enhanced measures of body contact.
Maternal sensitivity — which, for the baby, is experienced as prompt and appropriate responses by its mother — builds the trust that is essential in bonding.
The benefits are not just emotional. Providing an immediate response to crying helps prevent an unhealthy increase in cortisol, the stress hormone, which can result in decreased immunity and less neurological growth.
This sensitivity also applies to an infant’s attempt at language. During the first three years of life, a caregiver’s response to a child’s language and other non-verbal cues helps to decrease anxiety, in turn maximizing that child’s neurological capacity for learning, including speech and literacy.
Matching tone and making eye contact also help to ease angst and enhance brain development.
Physical and psychological availability and psychological warmth refer to the parent’s presence and ability to address the infant’s needs with awareness, concentration and kindness, while providing loving interactions. This can be demonstrated most easily by being present, undistracted and attentive to the child.
One of the most common concerns parents have is their available time to bond with their child. That concern becomes even more urgent when considering the importance of the first eight months of life, during which an infant may develop an astonishing 1,000 trillionneural pathway connections.
Because of this rapid development, it is important to bond with your baby as much as possible from the first moments of life.
When bonding practices seem particularly challenging to accomplish, we encourage parents to be creative and make bonding a priority. For example, working moms may choose to share a bedroom with their baby to make up for the eight-hour absence.
So how do you know if your bond with your child is strong and healthy? Bonded children tend to be socially competent, affectionate, cooperative, curious, empathetic and perseverant. These qualities generally carry into adulthood, and those who enjoyed a strong attachment from birth to age 3 are usually curious, social, confident and assertive.
Although you may find that your child’s demands can become exhausting (smart children are usually always in search of a challenge), try to remember the gift you are giving your child.
By paying close attention to his or her needs, beginning at birth, you are helping your child develop trust. That trust, coupled with a supportive parent, helps create a strong and healthy adult.
Heidi Hoffeditz joined Jewish Family Services last year as its infant bonding coordinator. Heidi holds a master’s degree from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee in English Linguistics and has a wide variety of experience in the field of education, early childhood development, programming and research.
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