Washington — My mother took the news hard.
In from her morning walk, a mug of her usual half-caf’ in one hand, the Chicago Tribune folded in quarters in the other, I can hear her (albeit mostly one-sided) conversation with my father: “Ari Fleischer is engaged! To a 26-year-old girl! And she’s not Jewish!”
I assume that Jewish mothers all over the country with single daughters in Washington shared my mother’s disappointment. Not that she wanted to intrude, of course. Not that I can’t manage my own social life.
But it’s worth mentioning — she says on the phone a few months into the current administration — that the White House press secretary is young, single and Jewish. And, she reminds me, I have all of those friends who work in politics; there must be someone who could make an introduction.
And I can’t blame her.
Since returning to town 15 months ago, Fleischer has often been talked about as a great catch. He is known among those in the press for his wit. He earns a good salary. He’s friends with the president.
More important than that, he went to shul on yom tov. He’s been honored by Jewish groups for his “young leadership.” He’s been quoted as saying being Jewish is a “big part of my life.” Fleischer could well be the most celebrated eligible Jewish bachelor in this town in the last decade.
But with the announcement of his engagement last week, he follows his predecessor, State Department spokesperson Jamie Rubin, who married Christiane Amanpour, also not a member of the tribe.
Not my type
Now, Fleischer isn’t really my type, mind you. Though I always assumed my future mate would have glasses, I have also pictured the guy taking out my garbage to have a full head of hair.
We don’t share the same politics (but I guess that didn’t deter Mary Matalin from James Carville). And although my mother is right in saying that more than a few of my friends work on, or in close proximity to, the Hill, Fleischer and I have never been invited to the same Shabbat meal.
Back at the kitchen table, my father would reply, when given the opportunity, “A [insert pejorative Yiddish word for a non-Jewish woman here]?!?” And though it would never enter my lexicon, I understand the sentiment that such a word carries.
Never mind that there is one less available Jewish guy in the District. My father might judge Albert Einstein or Steven Spielberg not good enough were they to come calling.
And though my mother and I might deem the thought uncouth, my father can appreciate what a man might see in someone 15 years his junior.
But that the woman is not Jewish is not a part of the story. To my parents, it is the story.
The truth is, I share their — well, “disappointment” is not exactly the right word. I’m sure Rebecca Davis is a lovely woman. I hope that they will be happy together.
It just saddens me a little bit to see yet another nice Jewish guy pick a non-Jewish mate. And it’s not only Fleischer.
Reading through the personal ads of another publication recently, I saw a very intriguing ad. It said many of the right things: “funny, Jewish, literate, employed.” It also said, “looking for someone Asian.”
What is a single Jewish woman to do?
I know that the Becki Davises of the world can buy gefilte fish in a jar and that anyone can follow a good recipe for kugel, but the two of you can’t share stories about how the Chanukah menorah you made as children burned the finish on the dining room table.
And you can’t look at her knowingly when someone on a sitcom uses an odd Yiddish phrase or wants to sing all of the verses of “Dayenu.”
Becki and Ari will be welcomed in many synagogues across the country. I would wish them a sincere Shabbat shalom or a chag sameach if they sat next to me. If they choose to have children and raise them as Jews, the Reform movement says that their kids are Jewish — a ruling with which I agree.
But this, along with attending synagogue or celebrating holidays, will be a choice, a decision, not the natural outgrowth of a relationship. As such, they will not be impossible — just more difficult.
So, gentlemen, if you want to ensure Jewish kids and a Jewish life, if you want Judaism to continue to be a “big part’’ of your lives, date Jewish women. Right, Mom?
Rabbi Toby H. Manewith is director of the She’arim-Gateways Initiative of Hillel: The Foundation for Jewish Campus Life.
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