Learning through friendship

How I learned about courage and hope through my friendship with Ben

I wish I could tell you I am an amazing kid, I never get in trouble, I’m a phenomenal athlete and I get straight A’s, but I can’t do that.

I am a normal teenager. I have a B+ average, play sports, hang out with friends and make mistakes. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the kind of kid you read about in the paper … but there is a lot more to me than meets the eye.

My freshman year I made some bad decisions and got into a bit of trouble. My parents didn’t know how to react. They felt my time would be better spent doing community service, rather than just being grounded and watching television every day.

My parents wanted me to do something that would not only allow me to help others, but learn things about myself as well. My mom had read in The Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle about Friendship Circle, Lubavitch of Wisconsin’s program that pairs children with special needs with teenage friends.

She thought it would be a good fit and signed me up. A few weeks ago, I told Rabbi Shmaya Shmotkin about this story and he laughed.
He said, “So, that is why your mom called and not you.” I couldn’t use my cell phone, I was getting yelled at, and now I had to do community service! Whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to go.

Thank goodness I had my tennis buddy, Rachel Goldberg. Rachel and I were scheduled to meet our new friend, Ben Hirsch, around noon on a Sunday.

Since I wasn’t allowed to use the car, Rachel’s mom took us to his house. I had never spent time any with special needs kids before that day. I still remember how nervous both of us were.

So much has changed since then. We began meeting with Ben almost every Sunday and we really got to know each other.

In the years since, I’ve learned so much about life and how challenges can make you stronger. One of the great things about Ben is that every time we go anywhere, Ben is the one who is so optimistic! He is the biggest dreamer, with the biggest goals in life.

And don’t think for a second he doesn’t follow through with his dreams. One Sunday we heard on the news or read in the paper about a policeman saving someone, and the next week when we came to see Ben he was in a police hat with a personalized patch. He asks us if we would go with him to the station so he could give us a tour.

Another time, Ben and I went down to the farmer’s market downtown and took a stroll around the train station area. Most of you probably know that the post office is nearby. Since it seemed like it was zero degrees outside we thought it would be a good idea make a pit stop there.

Ben walked out of the post office with another business card. Sure enough, the next week, his mother told Rachel and I that Ben had contacted his special needs agency to get a volunteer job at the post office.

I think Ben has also come out of his shell and we’ve become closer.

About this same time last year, I was confirmed at Congregation Shalom. I figured it would get Ben out of the house so I invited him to come. Really, Ben is one of my good friends and I really wanted him there.

When the service started Ben and his parents had not yet arrived. I was sitting there, first bored and then I began to worry about why he wasn’t there. It wasn’t too long before Ben came strolling in.

I think I smiled so hard my mouth went numb. Ben and I kept glancing at each other smiling and laughing to ourselves when someone did or said something funny.

By the time it was my turn to give my confirmation speech I was not at all nervous. Ben had become such a big part of my life that it only made sense that I wrote about our relationship.

I talked about how being connected to others is a big part of Judaism and of me. As I made my way back to my seat I saw the smile on his face and it made me cry.

Becoming part of Ben’s life has changed how I feel about many things in my life. Every Sunday, when Rachel and I take our drive out to Ben’s, we almost always are gossiping. Whether it’s about what happened the last night, how we were doing, or what we know.

Yet, the second we step out of the car we come to realize that Rachel and I are about to make someone’s day a little better. We are about to make someone smile a little more, and we are going to make someone feel a little better about him or her.

Spending time with Ben makes us re-evaluate ourselves. We take a look at ourselves every week and see what we need to do to make ourselves a little better. I know Ben is happier when we are around, but I now realize that I am a better person because of our relationship. I now know that Ben is exactly like us, he is just a stronger person than us.

Ben has not only help change me for the better; he has totally changed my mind about this whole program. I came into Friendship Circle a skeptical, unsure girl. Now, I have progressed into a stronger, smarter, more open person.

My mom and I realized that my high school would benefit from a similar program. We started pushing for a program at Nicolet High School called Best Buddies, which started this past fall. Friendship Circle was the start and now I have begun to see where my life is heading.

I always seem to find an even bigger place in my heart for Ben and this program. This program has not only made me better but also helped me realize what I wanted to do with my life. I know now that I want to be a teacher and go into special education as a major, and I know this all as a junior.

I really would like to thank Ben for changing me as a person. I would like to thank Rachel for sticking with me on the rough days and the fun ones. I would like to thank my mom for pushing me through this when I wanted to and even when I didn’t.

Finally, I would like to thank Friendship Circle program for allowing me to shape into the person I am today, and allow me to make Ben a happier guy.

Samantha J. Bear is a senior at Nicolet High School, where she plays tennis.