Bathing and dressing a corpse and lifting it into a casket — these might not seem like tasks many people would be anxious to sign up for, especially on a regular basis and at short notice.
But for the some 60 members of the local Chevra Kadisha, the Jewish Burial Society (literally “Sacred Society”), to perform this mitzvah “is a rich spiritual experience,” said Bunny Honigman of Bayside who has been doing taharas (ritual purifications) for 19 years.
As Rabbi Wayne Dosick points out in his book “Living Judaism: The Complete Guide to Jewish Belief, Tradition and Practice” (Harper Collins, 1995), this service is considered “one of Judaism’s highest mitzvot — a mitzvah that can never be acknowledged or returned by its recipient.”
But this does not mean that those who do this feel disconnected from the recipient. “You put yourself in someone’s shoes and do what you would want them to do,” said Honigman. At the funeral home, members, in groups of three, bathe the body “the way you would bathe a baby — carefully, gently, lovingly.”
“[The deceased] led a life and [she] made a difference in someone’s life. You are remembering this. It is not a body; it is a person,” said Honigman.
Honigman, a member of Congregation Beth Israel, said performing taharas “helps complete the circle of life. When my mother passed away, [my experience doing taharas] helped me; I was more at peace.”
Shirley Denemark of Brown Deer, another member of the group, said she feels “that birth and death are very spiritual times,” and when she performs a tahara “I feel at one with the universe. I feel a connection and sometimes I really get a high. I get different feelings from different people, but it always feels good. It feels holy — like the spirit of the person is present.”
Denemark, a self-described learner and “universalist,” belongs to Congregation Sinai, and she has studied with several Orthodox rabbis. “I think my study and spiritual practices are helpful in doing taharas, rather than the other way around,” she said.
‘Every Jew is entitled’
Steve Eigen, of Sherman Park, is a member of Congregation Beth Jehudah and has been the president of the Chevra Kadisha for about four years.
“Every Jew is entitled to [a tahara],” he said. Although doing this work helps him appreciate the gift of life, it seems that to Eigen the most important benefit is the opportunity to act on his certainty that “As Jews, we are all responsible for each other, ultimately.”
“I come in and I think about the person — there have been cases where I have known him,” he said. “I think about the person’s life, his family. The body is there but this is not the total person.
“You can’t help but think about life and death. You would think it might be a frightening experience [but] it isn’t. This person is part of the Jewish community and we are taking care of him.”
Nancy Kennedy Barnett, of Fox Point, has been a member of the Chevra Kadisha since 2001 and is also president of Congregation Shalom.
“My dad is a concentration camp survivor; and I am an oncology nurse; and I have been dealing with death since the day I was born,” Barnett said. “I’m blessed to be able to do [taharas].”
“When [I] first enter the room the individual seems important,” she said. “But then the ritual takes over. Judaism is so good with its rituals. At the end we have some quiet time and I always speak to the person — in my mind. Sometimes I feel the spirit of the person — especially if I knew her.
“It makes you know there is more to life than you see or hear. It’s very spiritual. It’s not a mundane thing; it’s a religious experience. It’s wonderful.”
The community responsibility aspect of doing taharas is also important to Barnett. “It’s very important when we live as Jews to be able to be taken care of, when we die, as Jews,” she said. “As a nurse, I was taught to take care of the total person and [doing a tahara] is taking care of the total person.”
Most of the members that were interviewed came to Chevra Kadisha through a personal contact and a belief that by participating they would be able to confront death.
Honigman decided to join after learning about the ritual in a study session on rites of passage and asking “Who does that?” She heard that Debbie Rubin was doing taharas and spoke to her, and Rubin got her involved.
Denemark said that after her twin brother died of a heart attack at age 56, she heard about taharas from an Orthodox niece and “it sounded like something I would want to do.”
Barnett had never heard of tahara until she read a small notice in the synagogue bulletin from the Chevra Kadisha, seeking members.
With her medical training and her increasing participation in Judaic adult education, “It seemed like the perfect meeting ground between my vocation and my avocation,” she said.
Eigen also heard about it from a relative. A social worker in the mental health department at the Veterans Administration Hospital, he has worked in hospice care with death and dying.
“I thought it would be a good mitzvah. It doesn’t require a lot of Torah knowledge; just to be a mature person who has sensitivity to life and death,” Eigen said.
Learning how is usually done “on the job,” said Eigen. “You start by observing and maybe helping a little. Some of what we do is halacha (law) and some is minhag (tradition/custom).”
Though once a strictly volunteer activity, the Chevra Kadisha has “gone to a pay system,” according to Eigen. Although many people donate that money to charity, some need the money, Honigman said.
And there always is room for more participants, Eigen said.
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