Observing the High Holidays this year will be very different for my family — because our youngest child is off to college. I no longer have to make sure the kids are home from after-school activities in time to shower, dress, eat and get off to services. Several years ago, I wrote an article for The Chronicle entitled, “Rush HaShanah.” And so it was.
For the past 28 years, most happily, I’ve had children living at home, with friends cruising through the door, phones ringing and stereos blasting music — usually not of my choosing.
When our oldest child, Todd, left the nest 10 years ago, we were unrealistic about our future time with him. First semester went well with Parents Weekend, Thanksgiving and winter break. But between then and until school let out in the spring there was — nothing. Nada.
While we were pleased that he had friends to be with and places to go, January to May was a long time without any face-to-face with him.
It was almost harder when Peter left three years later, because we were wiser and knew what was to come. But, luckily, we still had Lisa, our “caboose” baby, at home for what we thought seemed like a long time. After all, she was only in fifth grade.
We still carpooled for Hebrew school and religious school, attended soccer games and tennis matches, had birthday parties, worked on school projects, stayed on top of homework, dealt with curfews and bought prom clothes.
Though we had a small taste of “empty nesting” as she was an eight-week summer camper for many years, what we’re experiencing now is different.
As we parted last week, with tears in our eyes, she laughed that if I hadn’t pushed her, her college applications would probably still be on her desk. What was I thinking?
Like her older brothers, she will never again live at home on a permanent basis. My husband, Steven, and I have not been looking forward to being empty nesters. In fact, he is quick to point out that we started out that way 33 years ago, and obviously, we didn’t like it or we wouldn’t have had three kids!
The difficulty is not in letting Lisa go, it’s in facing the reality that she is no longer our little girl. We’re not worried about how she’ll adapt to adulthood — what’s not to like about living with a bunch of kids with no one to tell you to hang up your clothes, study or what time to be home — but how we’ll adjust with no one to tell what time to be home for dinner!
As parents, we hope we’ve given her the tools to begin her adult life as a good Jew — that the values and morals we’ve instilled in her serve as her anchor. Selecting a college with a large Jewish population was important to her, and, frankly, to us as well. But will she, we wonder, have the time or desire to participate in Jewish life?
The changes we face this High Holiday season as empty nesters will hit us front and center, starting with not having to get to synagogue early to save a whole row of seats. But we do take some comfort in knowing that Lisa is starting her year out right, busy making plans to attend services on campus and to break the fast at the Hillel House there.