When Ellen Eckman’s grandson expressed interest in a bar mitzvah, she made a pledge to him: If he pursued his, she’d pursue hers.
Ellen didn’t have a bat mitzvah growing up. Although she was raised Jewish and had three brothers who celebrated bar mitzvahs with full ceremonies and parties, there was less opportunity for girls at the time.
Before the pandemic, when Ellen began the b’nei mitzvah process through Congregation Sinai, she and her grandson, Sean Eckman, began helping each other as they studied for their separate ceremonies. Her grandson downloaded a program to Ellen’s computer to help her learn the Hebrew alphabet. She helped him get around.
“I drove him to Hebrew school, and I did something else, and then I took him to soccer, and then I went to Hebrew school,” said Ellen. “It was all in one night, and we sort of joked about it as we were driving after school. Were we going to make it on time? Were going to make the streetlights?”
Ellen always identified as Jewish, but she said her understanding of Judaism grew stronger through studying the Torah to be b’nei mitzvahed. Sharing her interpretations also helped her develop a greater appreciation for others in her class.
“It did get stronger, despite my tendency to argue with the rabbi in a nice way about some of the interpretations, and to have my own. Which is all part of what it is,” Ellen said. “Studying it and seeing what it was like was really important, and sharing it with other people.”
Then, in 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic swept the world, and the b’nei mitzvah ceremony was postponed. Ellen had moments of doubt during the long delay, questioning whether it was still worth it. But she had made a promise to her grandson, and she was determined to keep it.
“Once I started, I wasn’t going to quit,” Ellen said.
The b’nei mitzvah ceremony finally took place on March 26, 2022, more than two years after the original date. She was 76.
It was a beautiful ceremony with family and friends, Ellen said.
For her, the most meaningful part of the ceremony was holding the Torah and using the yad, the ceremonial pointer, to guide her reading.
“It’s never too late,” said Ellen, now 79. “In Judaism, you’re supposed to keep learning. You’re not supposed to stop.”
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