David’s smile flashed across the screen. He looked exuberant, surrounded by his friends, and his arm around a cute brunette. He did not have to state his Facebook status, as it was obvious he was high on life.
But for his ex-girlfriend, 18-year-old Debbie, this image of David was shattering to see.
This was the first time she had seen him since he sent her a text message ending their long-term relationship, two months before leaving for college. David’s excuse was that he did not want to be “tied down” to a serious relationship.
In response Debbie made every effort to protect herself from the emotional pain of seeing him. She avoided mutual friends and places David frequented and practically rearranged her life.
She was confident that she had successfully blocked David from appearing on all her social networking sites. But when she “friended” a new acquaintance on Facebook who happened to be a friend of David’s, images of him flooded her screen.
Debbie’s feelings of loss and despair intensified. This triggered her impulse to spend many hours obsessively examining pictures of David and his new girlfriend.
Her sadness was magnified by the happy images of him and all those who seemed to be having fun, while she still was grieving over her broken love affair.
David and Debbie’s relationship began two years earlier when they met during the summer at a Jewish camp. Though they attended different high schools, they were constantly connected throughout the day with social media; texting, Snapchat, FaceTime and Skype.
This magnified the intensity of their relationship and created unhealthy expectations. She became anxious if David did not respond to her texts in a timely manner. David became agitated if she spent too much time on Facebook or texting her friends.
Debbie’s parents tried to curtail her incessant Internet usage and were vocal about the negative effect it had on her schoolwork, family relationships and other responsibilities.
They regretted not establishing firmer limits with her internet usage when she was younger, and they estimated she spent more than 20 hours a week on social media.
Throughout high school, Debbie’s mood and self-esteem depended on how popular she was on Facebook and how many likes and positive comments she received. Her iPhone became like an appendage to her body; without it she felt incomplete and anxious.
The above-mentioned scenario describes familiar experiences and behaviors of teens and adults in America.
According to a clinical study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, teens who participate in social media and networking for prolonged periods of time are more likely to experience depression and anxiety.
Teens may get a false impression of their “friends’” lives based on pictures and postings which only reflect personal achievements, exciting travel and fun times with friends and family.
The humdrum, mundane and negative parts of one’s life are rarely documented and displayed. Anyone who compares their life to another’s based on social media postings is bound to feel less than happy.
Not being “friended” or being “unfriended” is interpreted as not being liked and rejected. For a teen that can feel like a fate worse than death.
Adolescence makes teens vulnerable to any number of severe emotional responses. Cases of teen suicide are not uncommon when the teen has been harassed, bullied, humiliated and ostracized.
For Debbie and other young people suffering from broken hearts, social media complicates and prolongs the grieving process and heightens feelings of despair. For parents, tackling these issues is a daunting task.
The AAP suggests that parents become more tech savvy and become involved in their adolescent’s usage by periodically checking privacy settings, profiles and posts.
These suggestions are not meant to violate privacy but to promote responsibility. Communication between parents and their children is a vital tool, which can promote a discussion about what may seem real online and what is real in life.
It is important to consider that social media does not cause depression in teens. However, if a teen is already struggling with low self-esteem, poor social skills and has a history of depression, use of social media can be a contributing factor to triggering current depression.
Melanie Wasserman, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice at Health Psychology Associates in Milwaukee.
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