Judaism reveres motherhood. We always speak of the ancestral mothers in our prayers, of Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, and Rachel.
In Israel women go to the tomb of Rachel to pray to this mother to intercede with G-d for health, to have a child, and for what is important in their lives.
I still remember the wonderful expectation I had when I was pregnant with my son David. I’d talk to him while he was still in the womb.
I had all kinds of thoughts that he would be someone very special, and like Olympias, Alexander the Great’s mother, I was sure my son was so special he would change the world. My blue eyed blond haired darling was, in my estimation, the most beautiful baby in the world. I expect, however, that most mothers feel the same way about their offspring.
I had never read a book on how to take care of a baby, but somehow it seemed to come naturally. Perhaps I had it easy, as I was a freelance writer.
I could stay home with David and even continue my career. He was on my lap as I typed, in my arms as I interviewed on the telephone, and even traveled with me to Israel when he was a few months old.
However it may be more difficult today with so many mothers in the workforce, whose careers don’t allow for the same luxury I had. To find out how a new mother is coping now, I spoke to Aree Wichman about her most recent birth.
Wichman, 36, has been a full-time employee and is now a stay-at-home mom. With her first two children Blake and Charlie — who are now, respectively, five and three — Wichman taught school in Chicago.
However when her husband Matthew relocated with the family to do a fellowship in orthopedics in Santa Monica, Calif., Wichman decided to try a business that would allow her to be a full-time mom.
In Santa Monica Wichman felt far from home and was delighted to return to Milwaukee and family.
“Both of our families and siblings, from Chicago and Milwaukee, are a great support. Family means a lot to me,” she said. “We have healthy and helpful parents who treat every grandchild as if it were their first.”
Wichman spent her first six months of her pregnancy in Santa Monica. After returning to Milwaukee, she lived with her parents until Matthew came here as well. Then they moved into their new home in Mequon. Reid was born on Sept. 5.
Wichman said that even with her first baby she never felt fearful about the prospect of being a new mom. She didn’t look to baby “experts,” but rather used her own innate judgment.
However, even when her first and second were born, when the family was living in Chicago while Matthew did his residency there, they still had family help as both her mother and Matthew’s mother were at the deliveries. Matthew even delivered his second child.
Wichman said, “My new baby, Reid, had no choice but to fit in with our family. He’s a super-easy, totally chilled boy.”
“When I came home with my toddlers and moved in my parents in Glendale until Matthew came home, and then we moved into our new home in Mequon, it was exciting chaos,” she said.
“Pregnancies became harder each time as with number one I could crawl into bed the second my teaching day with over,” Wichman continued. “During the second pregnancy, I had a toddler and had to put him to bed first. The third time I had to keep up with them and still make them feel important. However, I feel I’ve become a more experienced mother with each new child.”
Wichman said that along with being a stay at home mom “in order for me to feel whole I needed to do something professionally.” She decided to become an independent stylist with Stella & Dot, an exclusive jewelry and accessories in-home trunk show business.
“I do this around our family’s schedule,” she said. “I work out of the home and the only time I’m out of the house is when I do a trunk show. The flexibility is that I can be here for my family. Trunk shows are in the evening and my family has been a huge support. Matthew is my number one supporter.”
Wichman said she’s close in distance to both sets of parents, “six minutes to my parents, Mickey and Suzi Cherner, and to my in-laws, Donna and Harvey Wichman, eight minutes. My parents are both retired and hands on. They will take the kids, pick them up, feed them dinner, give them baths.”
“Having our parents healthy and close and active in helping me raise the boys makes my motherhood a lot easier,” Wichman said. “I just can count on them and it’s their pleasure, and this is a win-win for all our families.”
While Wichman is fortunate enough to have a family support group, there are many new moms in town whose parents or siblings live elsewhere.
In the Orthodox community in the Sherman Park area, there is a volunteer support group called “Shifra and Puah,” named after the biblical midwives in Egypt (Exodus 1:15). This group will make and deliver seven to eight meals for a period of time after a new mother comes home.
The community’s Bikur Cholim (visiting the sick) group will help mothers who may need assistance, such as driving them to doctor’s appointments or babysitting.
The Milwaukee Jewish Federation’s Shalom Baby program delivers, to new parents a bag filled with information about the Milwaukee and Wisconsin Jewish community.
It includes brochures about the Jewish schools; the “Guide to Jewish Wisconsin”; The Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle; a book and registration information for PJ Library; a monthly calendar of events for events around the Jewish community, including JCC and synagogue programs; and a Burts’ Bees baby product.
Happy Mothers’ Day to mothers everywhere.
Arlene Becker Zarmi is a freelance writer whose work has been published in more than 40 publications nationwide. She was also the producer and host of a travel TV show for Viacom, and is a Jewish genre and portrait artist. She lives with her husband, Rabbi Avi Zarmi, in Shorewood.
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