Yes, I confess. I’ve been known to get all verklempt over television ads.
One commercial in particular that makes me tear up and reach for a tissue features a father handing over the car keys to his daughter as she sets off to drive alone for the first time. She may be 16, but in her parent’s eyes, she’s still a little girl.
This is not the only milestone moment that’s tugged at my heartstrings. As a Jewish parent, my children’s b’nai mitzvah ceremonies were rites of passage that had me kvelling from their first step onto the bimah, until the klezmer band played the last strains of “Hava Nagilah.”
But long before you get all choked up listening to your son or daughter chant their Haftorah, there’s quite a bit of preparation and planning that needs to be done.
Organization is key to making things run smoothly. Keep computer records or go “old school” with a binder and file folder for all your notes, contact information, sample invitations, and linen swatches.
This can be a fun and creative process. Confer with friends and relatives for advice, or consider using an event coordinator if planning a party is outside your comfort zone.
Once you’ve received the date, discuss with your family what type of party everyone wants and what your budget will allow.
The bar/bat mitzvah celebration is an opportunity for your 13-year-old’s personality to be front and center. A theme or creative thread that ties everything together will give you direction when making decisions about the venue, entertainment, invitations, and decorations.
The focus could be a special interest, hobby or sport. Incorporating their mitzvah or service project and into the party can add special meaning to the event.
Get started with a chronological checklist:
18 months-2 years prior:
• Obtain the date from the synagogue.
• Set a budget.
• Estimate the number of guests and reserve the venue and caterer.
1 year-18 months prior:
• Book music and entertainment (there is some leeway here depending on how in demand the DJ or band may be in your area).
• Hire the photographer and/or videographer.
• Decide on a party theme.
6-12 months prior:
• When your child starts their formal lessons and training you can start thinking about invitations, florists, centerpieces, and party rentals.
Choosing the location that best suits your needs is the most important step in planning the celebration. Once you’ve established where you’ll be having the party, it will be easier to visualize how all other aspects of the event will fall into place.
• Synagogue: If your synagogue has a ballroom or party space, you can hold the reception there as well as the service. Guests will not have to travel in between venues, and often a synagogue will have in-house caterers that adhere to kosher guidelines to help make planning easy.
• Hotel: If you’re hosting a lot of out-of-town guests, you could choose to have your reception at the hotel where guests will be staying. Hotels usually have in-house caterers, and can often host celebrations with a large guest list.
• Jewish Community Center: Holding your event at a JCC is a versatile choice. Renting the available hall or banquet room for the party can include the option to use gyms, pool, and conference rooms. Kosher food will also be made available to guests.
• At home: If you’re having a low-key celebration with close family and friends, there’s nothing more personal than hosting the party at your home.
• Creative event space: If the standard options aren’t the direction you want to take, research more creative spaces your city or town has to offer. Theatres, art galleries, museums, specialty restaurants, and sports venues are possible choices.
Ask yourself these questions when considering a venue:
• Does the venue have its own caterer or will you need to hire your own?
• Is kosher fare available?
• Does the venue employ a staff member or “go to” person to help you coordinate all the details of the event?
• Is there enough space to accommodate the meal, entertainment, and dancing?
• What banquet amenities are included (tables, chairs, linens, dishware)?
• Is there equipment on site such as podiums, microphones, dance floor, stage, sound system, film projector, and lighting?
• Can the sound and audio/visual systems facilitate slide shows, music and entertainment?
• Will you need to rent items separately for additional costs?
• Is sufficient parking available?
• What is the room rental cost?
Before you begin party planning, I highly recommend watching the movie “Keeping up with the Steins.” It’s a bar mitzvah coming-of-age story that just might tug at your heartstrings. It shows how a young boy’s journey to adulthood can be both a meaningful and celebratory occasion.
Mazal tov!
Susan Hunnicutt is Event Manager at the Harry & Rose Samson Family Jewish Community Center.
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