For many, this time of year can present challenges as we navigate between the holidays of Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa and the New Year. December can also signal a time to reflect on the past year, to assess how far we have come, what we have achieved, and the status of our relationships with others.
While we celebrate Rosh HaShanah as our Jewish New Year, for many Jews, the secular New Year can be a time of anticipation and reflection. But for some, family expectations and obligations can provoke anxiety. And the pressure to feel in “the holiday spirit” can be overwhelming given our society’s emphasis on celebrating the season. (Unlike Israel, where the secular New Year is barely acknowledged.)
With a disparity between how we actually feel, and what we think we are supposed to feel, we can get off on the wrong foot, even before the Chanukah and New Year’s Eve parties begin.
Another pressure of the season can arise from gift-giving expectations, often induced, both in givers and recipients, by the media. These expectations can lead to excessive spending on credit and the associated guilt just adds to the stress.
And if your financial resources are limited, you may feel inadequate, as though you are “on the outside looking in.”
But taking control of some of these factors, rather than allowing yourself to be swept into the frenzy can help.
Instead of buying expensive gifts, consider doing a creative project with your kids by making hand-made gifts such as scarves, gloves, beaded jewelry, and cards. These gifts from the heart carry far more feeling than those purchased at the mall or on the Internet.
Another challenge for many is the loss of light that marks the short, cold days of December and January. People who feel especially tired or depressed during this dark time are experiencing a phenomenon called seasonal affective disorder or SAD.
Again, taking steps to combat the situation — extra rest, exercise, good nutrition, or physician prescribed remedies — can make you feel better.
Blues or stress?
It may be helpful to understand the difference between holiday blues and holiday stress. Feelings of loss or sadness because you can’t be with people who are special to you may be the cause of holiday blues.
Holiday stress is often caused by anxiety surrounding relationship expectations and disappointments.
Plan ahead to minimize these feelings. Try to fill your calendar with meaningful activities, such as volunteering at a soup kitchen, wrapping gifts for disadvantaged kids, or spending time with elderly relatives or friends. Instead of feeling sad, you’ll find yourself experiencing the reward of giving to others.
And finally, this time of year causes one to think about beloved family members and friends who have passed away. And separation from family members (emotional or geographic) can be particularly painful at this time of year. That sense of loss can spoil even the happiest of celebrations
To cope with loneliness caused by death, divorce or separation, plan ahead to spend time with other close friends and family. Look at your community or synagogue calendar for enjoyable activities and events.
Consider creating a new ritual to memorialize a lost loved one, such as lighting a memorial candle, or doing an extra mitzvah such as donating your time or making a financial gift to your favorite charity.
A discussion with your spiritual leader or the help of a professional counselor might also console you.
Melanie Wasserman, LCSW, MSW, is a licensed clinical social worker at Jewish Family Services.
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