Is it unrealistic to expect Jewish teenagers to abstain from sexual activity until marriage, when many are delaying marriage until their late 20’s, 30’s, and beyond?
Whose responsibility is it to teach young people about the ethics of sex? Homosexuality? And what exactly does Judaism have to say about those topics?
In a society that seems to have grown both increasingly hypersexual in its popular culture and increasingly stringent in its political policies regarding sex, abortion and homosexuality, it is not surprising that the Jewish community has chosen to respond to the questions posed above in a variety of ways — the most prominent being the Orthodox Union’s new Web site, Negiah.org, billed as “The First Jewish Abstinence Website for Jewish Teens,” and the Union of Reform Judaism’s recently released sexual ethics curriculum, “Sacred Choices.”
The former comes on the heels of a nine-year study, conducted on behalf of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which concluded in April that federally funded abstinence-only programs “had no impact on rates of sexual abstinence and did not serve to delay the age of first sexual intercourse.”
Since 1999, Congress has plunged hundreds of millions of dollars into these programs, which in 2004 came under fire from Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.).
He conducted a study of the 13 most used abstinence curricula and found that 11 (used in 25 states) contained many “unproven claims, subjective conclusions or outright falsehoods” regarding abortion, condoms and sexually transmitted infections.
What (and how) young people learn about sex — in the Jewish community and in American society at large — has thus never been so prickly and controversial a topic as it is today.
Different methods
According to its creator, NCSY director of programs Rabbi Jack Abramowitz, Negiah.org is aimed at all Jewish teens, not just those who are already observant.
“We created the Web site because we saw a need,” Abramowitz told The Chronicle. “NCSY is an outreach organization — we deal with a lot of kids from across the spectrum.”
The Web site’s broad reach is especially apparent in its extensive list of reasons to abstain from sex that seem unrelated to Judaism.
“Judaism is an effective reason for one person,” said Abramowitz, “but the Web site is meant for all Jewish teens.”
One section (entitled “Condoms are not the answer!”) explains, “Condoms might protect people from pregnancy and most forms of STD [sexually transmitted diseases], but there’s a lot they don’t protect people from.”
According to the site, that includes HPV (human papillomavirus), which causes genital warts that can lead to cervical cancer in women (and penile cancer in men).
The section does not discuss the HPV vaccine that was approved by the FDA last year, but the FAQ page states, “If a girl does get an HPV shot, it should not be taken as license to engage in behaviors that are inappropriate without the HPV shot.”
The site also warns against a particular form of spermicide used in some condoms and about the supposed dangers of other forms of contraception, including the birth control pill.
“And no form of birth control protects against the non-physical effects of sexual activity,” states the Web site. “Guilt, worry, regret, shame, depression and other emotional consequences remain the same, regardless of any contraceptives that may be used.”
Another section, (entitled “Why girls should be shomer negiah [avoid all physical contact with the opposite sex]”), purportedly written by a 21-year-old woman named “Rita,” claims that young women should abstain from sex because “when a man looks for a wife, he prefers a virgin.”
Valuable resource
While the site presents an array of alarming statistics — especially concerning the supposed correlation between teen sexual activity and suicide rates — Abramowitz denies that he has employed “scare tactics” or dispensed misleading information to grab teens’ attention.
“We’re giving facts,” he said. “Some happen to be scary. We have not said anything that we believe to be inaccurate, but obviously we have an agenda.”
Negiah.org does not address issues surrounding homosexuality, except to say that “we are advocating that teens refrain from sexual activity. The teen’s sexual orientation has no bearing on that position.”
Acknowledging that “there is a big debate” about the effectiveness of abstinence-only education, Abramowitz added that Negiah.org should not be seen as a replacement for comprehensive sex education.
“We’re not trying to supplant what they’re getting in school,” he explained. “We just want to add Jewish content and we want kids to make informed, wise choices. Based on anecdotal feedback, parents are very happy [with the site] and teens have written me that they liked the information.”
Shelley Israel, NCSY Milwaukee chapter advisor, declined to be quoted for this article, but she referred The Chronicle to Rabbi Micah Greenland, regional director of Midwest region NCSY.
“[The Web site] is a valuable resource, but there is no replacement for parents and rabbis and educators having conversations with the student,” he said.
“No one thing can be effective on its own — I don’t think a website on its own is going to work, but it’s another tool in a parent’s arsenal or educator’s arsenal.”
Greenland added that his organization doesn’t “mass promote” the site and it is not used specifically in NCSY programming.
‘Sacred Choices’
The most obvious difference between the Negiah website and the Union of Reform Judaism’s “Sacred Choices” curriculum is that the latter doesn’t push abstinence until marriage.
Rather, explained curriculum coordinator Rabbi Laura Novak Winer — the director of curriculum and congregational support for the youth programs department at the URJ — the reform curriculum is a “postponement curriculum.”
“We want young people to postpone sexual activity until they are in healthy, committed relationships beyond the high school years,” she told The Chronicle.
“It’s unreasonable to expect that a young, liberal Jewish person will be abstinent until marriage.”
“Sacred Choices” also differs from Negiah.org because it was designed to be taught in religious school classes.
In addition, said Novak Winer, it is a “sexual and relationship ethics” curriculum rather than a standard sex education one. It does not, for example, provide specific information about sexually transmitted infections or birth control, but there is an extensive bibliography of resources students can refer to.
“I personally think we have an ethical obligation to teach young people to use condoms and to practice safe sex … [but] we didn’t need to write that because it already exists,” she explained.
“We wanted to address issues that aren’t addressed [in typical sex ed curricula], such as, How do I deal with peer pressure? How do I communicate about relationships?”
The two separate curricula — one for middle school and one for high school — address a wide variety of issues facing young people today, including homosexuality.
“The whole curriculum says homosexuality is valid and normal,” said Novak Winer. “Our children coming out need to be supported. Our kids are asking for guidance from Judaism, and the synagogue is a safe place to have those conversations.”
Pilot site
When the “Sacred Choices” middle school curriculum was being tested, Congregation Shalom in Fox Point volunteered to be one of the “pilot” sites.
According to Rabbi Roxanne Shapiro, the synagogue’s director of life-long learning, she and other staff members evaluated lessons and responded to what worked and what needed changing.
“I think it’s a fantastic curriculum,” she told The Chronicle. “Parents welcomed it, and I think a synagogue is a wonderful place to talk about these issues. We don’t want kids to only see this a secular issue and we don’t want them to think of themselves as alone in this.
“Judaism in particular doesn’t say sex is only for procreation. Instead it’s spoken about as something part of a healthy, adult relationship.”
Shapiro also appreciates the way “Sacred Choices” focuses on developing “the whole person.”
“The hope is that if young people feel confident in who they are and understand peer pressure, they’ll make wiser decisions,” she said. “My goal as a rabbi and educator is for our students to see all their choices as sacred choices.”
Novak Winer added that while “Sacred Choices” is very different from Negiah.org, she thinks the abstinence Web site is mostly “interesting and accessible, though at a certain point it goes over teens’ heads.”
“He [Abramowitz] recognizes his message is different than ours,” she continued. “We agree to disagree, but at the core we’re working towards the same thing.”
Other approaches
While the Orthodox and Reform movements are taking a national approach to sex education, other denominations are addressing the issue in a more localized way.
At Congregation Beth Israel, a Conservative synagogue, the “values and ethics” of sexuality are discussed in eighth and ninth grade, and also in confirmation classes.
“We teach that sex between a husband and wife is a mitzvah,” said Samara Sofian, CBI’s education director. “We encourage them to make smart choices in everything that they do, [and] we tell teenagers not to have sex before marriage.”
Teens also discuss homosexuality and why the synagogue’s spiritual leader, Rabbi Jacob Herber, chooses not to perform same sex marriages.
Still, Sofian said, “We teach that tolerance is extremely important, not only related to sexuality,” explained Sofian. “We are all created in G-d’s image and we always need to treat each other with respect.”
Milwaukee’s only Reconstructionist synagogue, Congregation Shir Hadash, does not have a sex education program in its religious school.
“We haven’t had to address the issue,” explained Rabbi David Brusin. “Our school is only in its second year and it only goes until the fifth grade.”
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