“The Torah is not just about men in sandals and robes running around in the desert. It’s about life, and its wisdom teaches us how to be successful in all facets of life,” according to Lori Palatnik, who spoke in Milwaukee on June 27.
Her talk, entitled “Ten Secrets to a Great Jewish Marriage,” was presented at the Harry & Rose Samson Family Jewish Community Center and attracted an audience of over 50 people — couples, wives alone, husbands alone and even some singles.
Lisa and Jeff Gorelick of Glendale came away feeling “energized” and “enthusiastic” about “trying to be more giving to each other in their relationship.”
Lisa said, “Lori was a wonderful speaker who believes the more people are able to give to a relationship, the more deeply they are also able to love.”
Bonnie and Bob Fisher agreed. “What made the lecture so intriguing,” said Bonnie, “is that it had such wide applicability beyond Judaism. Though she gave a comprehensive presentation of issues regarding a Jewish marriage, it really works for any marriage.”
The Chronicle caught up with Palatnik at the West Palm Beach (Fla.) Airport as she was boarding the plane to Milwaukee.
Palatnik believes the key to a successful marriage is to define the terms “love” and “marriage” in the following ways: love is “the emotional appreciation of the virtues of another person,” and marriage is “the meaningful pursuit of common, mutual life goals.”
She’s not talking about a house in the suburbs with two cars in the garage, but the life values people share and the contributions they make to the community.
“These can be different and accomplished in different ways, as long as the couple is headed toward the same goal. Marriage has to be more than two people living in the same house,” she said. “We spend a lot of time, money and effort raising our kids, but if you do a good job they leave and you’re left with your spouse. Your spouse has to be the center of your eternal relationship. Marriage means oneness.”
She added, “Jewish mysticism tells us that we are born with one soul, which God splits and then unites with our soulmate under the chuppah.”
Palatnik also believes that men want to be “respected” while women want to be “loved.” And she thinks women understand men better than men understand women.
Although she lives an observant life and is married to an Orthodox rabbi, Palatnik believes her “secrets” are universal. “We mustn’t take each other for granted,” she said.
Palatnik began her journey to observance as a young adult, having come from what she described as a non-observant family that “knew from Rosh HaShanah, Yom Kippur and ‘Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.’”
She went to study in Israel with Aish HaTorah while running a private aerobics business. There she met her husband, Yaacov, a rabbi and teacher. Although they had planned to remain in Israel, he accepted a teaching post in Toronto. A few years later, they started a new synagogue there.
“As it began to take on a life of its own, we moved on to Boca Raton, Florida, a year ago, where we both teach classes for Aish HaTorah,” she said.
Palatnik is also the author of “Friday Night and Beyond” and “Remember My Soul” and is working on a third book tentatively titled “Speak No Evil.”
Her talk was sponsored by the Coalition for Jewish Learning, the education program of the Milwaukee Jewish Federation; Aish HaTorah; Milwaukee Kollel; and Ohr HaTorah Jewish Heritage Center.
According to the Kollel’s Rabbi Pinchas Avruch, “Our purpose in having various organizations sponsor adult education programming is to provide diverse educational opportunities to the community in general. We were pleased to see some new faces who have no connections to any of the sponsors.”
And that’s fine with Fisher who said, “I’m looking forward to more quality lectures coming to the community.”
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