It was one of the many unforgettable moments in the musical “Fiddler on the Roof” when Tevye the Dairyman reached his limits.
He lived in a time and place — 1903 Eastern Europe — in which parents supposedly had more control over their children than they do today. Nevertheless, Tevye had been flexible enough to yield when two of his daughters fell in love with Jewish men of whom he didn’t entirely approve. But when one daughter fell for a non-Jew, Tevye banished her from the family. Even the young couple’s willingness to uproot themselves and join the rest of the family in America couldn’t entirely reconcile him.
The Jewish culture Tevye’s descendants live in today is a very different place. Even around the time “Fiddler” came out in 1964, many American Jewish community leaders considered intermarriage a crisis. We were children then, but we remember hearing rabbis and religious-school teachers preaching against intermarriage; and when we began to read adult-level non-fiction about American Jewry, we learned that communal leaders and sociologists, here and in Israel, were very worried and wondered what to do about this issue.
Almost 40 years later, we can see all the good that did. According to the newest National Jewish Population Survey, intermarriage now accounts for nearly half of all new marriages involving a Jewish person; and more than 40 percent of all Jewish college students today have only one Jewish parent.
So intermarriage has become an inescapable and apparently unstoppable reality of American Jewish life in the early 21st century. What to do about it?
Should synagogues create a place for non-Jewish spouses in their functions? Should rabbis, at least of the liberal movements, officiate at intermarriages under at least some conditions in the hope that this will, as Rabbi Dena Feingold of Kenosha put it, “create a Jewish home and family where otherwise there might not be”? That such things are happening in Wisconsin (see last week’s Chronicle) are indicative that they are happening throughout the country.
We know what members of the Orthodox and other observant communities advocate — maintaining their lifestyle and educational system and beliefs. But however satisfying the observant find this, most of today’s Jews will not do it.
In fact, some studies have found that there are more secular Jews than there are members of any of the contemporary Jewish religious movements. Should the community try to appeal to them in some way, say by devising a “cultural Judaism” independent of the religiosity so many Jews find unappealing?
Should the Jewish religious groups write the secular off and concentrate on cultivating those who do feel ties to or need for religion? Or should all the Jewish religious movements learn from the Chabad Lubavitch Hasidim how to do intensive outreach, as Rabbi Eric Yoffie, president of the Union for Reform Judaism, recently advocated at a Reform movement convention?
Moreover, members of the Orthodox community are not problem-free. They may not have an intermarriage crisis; but a significant number of them appear to be in a marriage crisis, having difficulty finding partners and marrying later in life.
What is clear is that no one person, institution, movement or ideology has all the answers. Respectful dialogue is vital, to share information and ideas; for among them will be those that will enable our community as a whole to endure.
We are glad to see that The Chronicle’s articles have sparked such a dialogue, as can be seen in this Chanukah issue. That dialogue, at the very least, is indicative of the passion so many in our community bring to their Judaism and is part of what has helped us to survive as a people.
We urge all our readers to take the name of the holiday (dedication) to heart, and to draw on their passion to dedicate themselves to creative thinking and respectful discussion of intermarriage and all the other issues that our community faces today.
Chag sameach.
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