Atlanta — Last week in Goldberg’s Deli, a friend and I were discussing the recent San Diego high school shooting that left Bryan Zukor, 14, and Randy Gordon, 17, dead, and 13 others wounded.
As we picked out our hamantaschen and ordered pea soup, we lamented about how tragic this recent loss of life is, how horrible the parents must feel, how terrible it is that our kids aren’t safe in our nation’s houses of “learning and enlightenment.”
The cashier couldn’t help breaking in. “What they should do is enact a law that holds parents responsible for the actions of their kids and jails them when their teenagers kill somebody.”
That got us going. Should — or can — a 15-year-old in severe mental pain, who had little adult guidance or support, really be held responsible for committing such a heinous act of emotional desperation? What blame should his teenage peers bear for either picking on him mercilessly or failing to stop their friends from tormenting him?
Didn’t any adult in the community either witness the teasing or recognize Charles “Andy” Williams’ pain? Shouldn’t some adult have stepped forward to help this mixed-up adolescent?
Don’t get me wrong. This is not an apologetic for Williams, the San Diego gunboy. Nor is it a call to absolve him of the guilt or punishment he must face for the rest of his life. Killing is wrong. And you had better learn that by the time you’re old enough to plan a murder and execute it.
But calls for punishment and revenge don’t satisfy. After Williams is locked away, our society really won’t be any healthier, safer or better.
As the iron bars clang shut behind another teenage criminal, and as the cries of the mourners are buried behind fresher headlines, we need to contemplate the societal conditions under which children kill children. We need to learn from this experience and do what we can to prevent such conditions from festering in our communities.
Political action insufficient
Those who believe that political action is the way to combat violence in America will launch public awareness campaigns or develop legislation that takes guns out of the hands of the masses, stiffens sentences for criminals or funds more social “prevention” programs to heal the ills that lead to violence. They deserve our praise and encouragement.
But these activists represent a small segment of our society. And their good work will not succeed unless they get grass roots help from parents and grandparents, who are most responsible for instilling our children — our nation’s future — with proper values.
The Jewish community takes tremendous pride in our investment to raise mensches — good, moral, kind people — and there are many lessons to learn from the San Diego shooting.
The one I took to heart is the need for parents to teach children to be kind to their peers — to not tease, insult or embarrass them.
Our tendency to excuse or overlook such regular “juvenile” behavior by reasoning that “kids will be kids” just doesn’t fly. Meanness hurts. It crumbles self-esteem and can destroy young lives.
As I think about the conditions surrounding Williams, an age-old Jewish teaching comes crashing back to me: “Embarrassing a fellow human being is like killing him.”
Our rabbis tell us to look into the face of someone who’s being embarrassed. It reddens. From the blood being spilled from the victim’s heart and soul.
As adults, we must redouble our efforts to teach our — and when necessary, our neighbors’ — children the need to care for the feelings of others. We must intervene when we witness kids being cruel to kids and take responsibility for helping a needy youth heal.
This may not help stop school shootings. But it may lend some positive meaning to the tragic loss of Bryan, Randy — and Andy.
Jacob Schreiber is editor of the Atlanta Jewish Times.
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