Local rabbis weigh in
Sarah Corris is in love. She has been with her partner for over two years now. The two of them are even planning to tie the knot next summer.
Tying the knot for Corris, 27, however, doesn’t mean getting married. As a lesbian, Corris and her partner will participate in a commitment ceremony.
Rabbi Ronald M. Shapiro, spiritual leader of Congregation Shalom (Reform), will officiate at the ceremony. That’s no small act for a religious leader, but for Shapiro it is a natural and just position.
“Jewish couples who live in a committed monogamous and dedicated relationship deserve the right to have their relationship blessed by the synagogue and by their religious community,” Shapiro wrote in a July column in the synagogue newsletter.
Citing a March 2000 Central Conference of American Rabbis resolution stating “the relationship of a Jewish same gender couple is worthy of affirmation through appropriate Jewish ritual,”
There is, perhaps, no issue that has become more sensitive, or more important, or more loaded in religious and political forums than same-sex commitment ceremonies.
Certainly, this discussion didn’t start recently. But with gay-marriage having again entered the mainstream of political discussion in 2004 and even more recently in Wisconsin with a proposed state amendment planning to “preserve marriage,” local rabbis have begun to speak up with their opinions and practices.
Several local Reconstructionist, Reform and Conservative rabbis shared their thoughts about how their denomination views same-sex unions and their personal views as spiritual leaders.
Equal but different
Corris, a law student in Minneapolis told family and friends of her sexuality as a college freshman. She has not been exposed to any “outright discrimination” from the Jewish community.
However, Corris explained, “It’s been more of the social reactions where my feeling has been, from the Jewish community…that they say we are supportive of gay rights and it’s okay to be gay, but not if you’re Jewish. There is such an expectation that my daughter is going to grow up and marry a nice Jewish boy.”
But she is delighted that Shapiro will be officiating at her ceremony. “In the Reform movement [the ceremony] is seen as a good thing,” she said.
“It validates our relationship. It shows our strong commitment to Judaism. We can have an equal relationship. We are thankful for it.”
Equal but not the same. Shapiro, who has officiated at other same-sex unions, will not perform the same ritual he would at a traditional halachic marriage ceremony, but “it is still honest enough so that the people appreciate it,” he said during an interview.
By making minor modifications, including one to the Sheva Brachot (the seven wedding blessings), Shapiro creates a ceremony he says “gives credence to love but continues to give respect to the trust of the Jewish tradition.”
Shapiro is not the only local supporter of these ceremonies. Rabbi Marc E. Berkson, who leads Congregation Emanu-El B’ne Jeshurun (Reform), believes that same-sex unions should be legalized and, like Shapiro, thinks that Reform Judaism needs to think of a way to bring kiddushin [Jewish marriage ceremony] into same-sex unions.
“I am convinced,” Berkson said, “that when God said it is not good for a person to be alone he meant that for all of us. [Marriage] is an institution that belongs in society for everyone.”
Rabbi Steven H. Adams of Congregation Emanu-El of Waukesha said he supports the right to marriage for gay couples, but says he will not officiate over a same-sex ceremony until same-sex unions are legal.
He said he would offer his blessing to any gay couple, but would not officiate over a ceremony for any couple, gay or straight, without a marriage license.
“I do not want to sort of cheapen [their relationship] by doing a ceremony that is legally meaningless until it is approved,” Adams said.
Corris also emphasizes the importance of civil marriage. Though she will participate in a religious ceremony, she will not receive any of the legal benefits that married heterosexuals receive.
“Civil marriage provides people with protection with legal benefits and obligations to protect their families,” Corris said. “The denial of marriage to same-sex couples doesn’t do any good. All it means is that they can’t protect their children and their assets.”
Rabbi David Brusin, of Congregation Shir Hadash (Reconstructionist), said that his congregation would provide commitment rituals to gay members if it were requested (it hasn’t been yet) and hopes that the state will eventually allow rabbis and other clergy to conduct official marriage ceremonies.
“But for now,” he said, “We’ll do whatever we can to help same-sex couples feel welcomed by the Jewish community.”
Brusin explained that Reconstructionism argues for interpreting theological issues in a way that is relevant to the present. “The questions, issues, and moral implications are very different for us,” he said.
Rabbis of past times “didn’t understand the role of civil rights or of women in America in 2006,” he said. “They simply didn’t have a clue about alternative lifestyles, and I don’t blame them.”
Brusin said it is his congregation’s job to respond accordingly to the people in it. “The right response here,” he said, “is that we understand and we accept you.”
Conservative votes
The Conservative movement may be the next denomination to adjust its practices to include alternative lifestyles. In December, the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards, a body that adopts advisory policy standards for the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, will vote on a resolution that would allow Conservative rabbis to officiate at same-sex union ceremonies.
However, the committee will also vote on whether to continue a prohibition of these very ceremonies.
“Two diametrically opposed responsa [rabbinic rulings] could be adopted,” said Rabbi Jacob Herber of Congregation Beth Israel, Milwaukee’s only synagogue officially affiliated with the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism.
If both views are embraced, Conservative rabbis would effectively have a choice about whether to officiate over same-sex union ceremonies.
Herber said he does not perform commitment ceremonies for gay couples but is waiting to see how the committee decides. He said he will revisit his own position on the issue after the vote.
“I think it’s important for congregations to be welcoming of gay and lesbian Jews just like they welcome everyone else,” he said. “But I need to be persuaded by the arguments [in the responsa].”
Orthodox Judaism, however, isn’t making similar moves. Because the denomination includes many different perspectives, it’s impossible to paint a single picture of how these issues are dealt with.
However, the Orthodox Union’s Web site (http: //www.ou.org) notes that the group does support the proposed Federal Marriage Protection Amendment being discussed in our nation’s capital.
In a June article, OU’s executive vice president Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb wrote that Jewish law forbids homosexual behavior of any kind and that Judaism recognizes marriage as a fundamental human institution between a man and a woman.
Weinreb also wrote, however, that congregations should tolerate “individuals who manifest homosexual tendencies” but points out that “there is a great difference between tolerance for an individual and recognition of a movement which wishes to turn something clearly wrong by Jewish standards into something not only tolerated but normative.”(The full article is available at http://www.ou.org/public_affairs/article/ou_resp_same_sex_marriage.)
Corris, who has attended mostly Reform and Reconstructionist services in Minneapolis and who’s partner’s father is a Conservative rabbi, said it does not matter, however, what denomination of Judaism one belongs to if there is any degree of unacceptance.
“It’s un-Jewish to send a message that you won’t validate a relationship,” she said. “All it takes is one time getting the message that [you] are not a part of the community to destroy [your] connection to Judaism.”
Adam Edelman is a graduate student at the Columbia University School of Journalism. He interned for the Chronicle as a reporter in 2003. He has since traveled extensively and earned a degree in political science and journalism from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
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