Should non-Jews carry the Torah during worship services? Make an aliyah? Speak to their child from the bimah during their bar or bat mitzvah ceremony?
These are questions many synagogues across the country are addressing as the number of intermarriages continues to rise.
According to Dr. David Gutterman, president of Beth El Ner Tamid Synagogue, “From what I read, the national average of intermarriages is very high, and I believe it’s as high or maybe even higher at Beth El. With that said, our synagogue wants to be inclusive to interfaith families with hopes the children will be reared Jewish.”
Gutterman added, “In Conservative Judaism, I feel there is a lot of versatility in various aspects that allow inclusivity. As president of Beth El, it’s my goal to make sure to be inclusive to the increasing percentage of non-Jews.”
Spiritual leader Rabbi Gideon Goldenholz agreed. “From my perspective, I think Beth El should be a welcoming, inclusive synagogue where interfaith households will be comfortable,” he said.
He added, “While we are a halachic congregation, I feel there are things we can do to welcome these families within its parameters. We want the non-Jewish spouse or relative to be part of the congregation in many roles, but without crossing halachic boundaries.”
To better define the role of non-Jews in synagogue life, Goldenholz and Dr. Toby Enright, chair of the religious services committee, held a “Town Hall” meeting last summer that drew more than 150 participants.
“From the attendance, it seems people are really interested in the issue. I’d say the reaction was mostly positive,” Enright told The Chronicle. “I think the Jewish community has come to understand that intermarriage exists and in many cases the non-Jewish spouse doesn’t convert. We came together to discuss their place in our synagogue and to seek a comfort level for all of us.”
He added, “As more and more families are touched by mixed marriage, the more sensitive they become. And so our brainstorming session was designed to discuss how non-Jews fit in socially and religiously to our congregational family. The first step in the process was to get input from congregants. Next, we plan to meet with the non-Jews.”
Enright explained that the process is “not an all-or-nothing situation” but rather one in which “middle ground is found for everyone to be comfortable.”
So far, Enright said that there were no “ big shocks because our members are aware of the issue. We’re all struggling with what, as a Conservative synagogue, we can and can’t do.
“We will certainly rely on halacha as a base to determine what’s permissible and compatible. The bottom line is we want to be welcoming and engaging to the non-Jewish partner so we all feel comfortable in a loving atmosphere.”
Goldenholz said that he gained a lot of insight from the meeting and will attend further meetings or focus group sessions with non-Jewish spouses.
At present, non-Jewish spouses are not considered synagogue members. However, Goldenholz said that the Men’s Club does welcome them as full club members.
As Beth El is not a member of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, the lay umbrella organization for Conservative congregations, and therefore not bound by its rules on this subject, Beth El can develop its own, Goldenholz suggested. However, he said he is bound by the Conservative rabbinnate’s rules.
“Our goal is to maintain and retain the integrity of halacha and at the same time within our range, work the process for the concept of inclusion,” he said. “That’s the beauty of Conservative Judaism — its hallmark is a pluralistic approach. I feel there is a great need to define how to be inclusive.”
Goldenholz said that he recently attended a meeting of Conservative rabbis at the University of Jerusalem in Los Angeles to discuss the issue of “kiruv” or outreach.
“The movement hasn’t taken any action,” he said, “but it’s definitely on the front burner. Because so many families are being affected by intermarriage — even if just by cousins or friends — it’s an issue we need to address in a positive rather than negative manner. I want to have the opportunity to make non-Jews aware of the beauty of Judaism through participation in some form.”
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