Judaism today is conflicted. On the one hand, Jews are told to have more children to make up for the six million killed in the Holocaust, and to stem the demographic crisis that we face due to depopulation.

The number of Jews in the United States dropped five percent between 1990 and 2000, due in large part to delayed childbearing and a low fertility rate, along with rising levels of intermarriage. American Jews, once 3.7 percent of the population, are now only 2.4 percent — and of that, 52 percent are intermarried to non-Jews. It does not take much extrapolation to paint a picture of potential extinction.

Some feel that because of this threat of extinction, Jews are obliged, even commanded, to increase family size.

On the other hand, Judaism treasures family planning as a basic human right, and stresses the importance of our capacity to care for our families, those less fortunate, and for the earth.

So what is the correct Jewish perspective on the ethics of family planning? Are we willing to encroach upon the right of personal choice, and the responsibility to one’s family and the global community, in order to prevent population decline?

I contend that we need to find ways to ensure the survival of Judaism without violating these important rights and responsibilities, for they define the very essence of who we are.

Family planning is embraced by religions across the spectrum as a moral good, a responsible choice and a basic human right. Some streams of Judaism have long histories of support for family planning; for example, a 1929 Reform movement resolution noted that birth control contributes to social stability.

International organizations, including the U.N. World Population Conference and the International Conference on Human Rights, have taken the position that “All couples and individuals have the basic right to decide freely and responsibly the number and spacing of their children.”

It would be paradoxical for Jews, who are strong adherents of and voices for human rights, to take a contrary position on this most basic of human rights.

Acting responsibly

As Rabbi Daniel Gordis comments in his 1997 book “Does the World Need the Jews?” the decision about child bearing is one of the “holy of holies” of American life. “Decisions about having children are exceptionally personal and private. No court, no family member and [certainly] not any religious tradition should dare to tell us otherwise.”

The Jewish tradition, with its emphasis on the family, suggests another way to look at the ethical issue of population and family planning. In the Jewish tradition, each parent has a duty to each child to provide a world of abundance and generosity and attention. In this view, a Jewish parent is acting responsibly by limiting family size and ensuring the greatest likelihood of providing such an environment.

One of the lessons of modernity is that prosperous, successful societies are in part marked by a reduction in the number of children per family as compared with more impoverished countries, where families are large and there is a high rate of illiteracy among women.

In fact, there are no advanced societies today that have high rates of birth or rates of increase. To expect that Judaism might buck this trend, given its emphasis on education and contribution to society, is unrealistic.

In the Jewish view, quality counts more than quantity. Jews, as a whole, are less focused on how many human beings they produce than on the attributes of those individuals who can bring the message of the Torah to the world and engage in acts of “tikkun olam,” or repairing the world through social action.

Large, stressed families with limited resources are much less poised to engage in tikkun olam. Moreover, the spirit of tzedakah commands that we plan our family size to ensure that we have enough resources left over to care for the poor and less privileged.

Jews have a strong history of environmentalism and respect for the planet, and thus they are not immune from concerns over the limits of the earth’s sustainable carrying capacity.

Judaism is not an island, and our responsibility must be not only to the heritage of our ancestors, but also to the future generations of all human beings. A religion that promotes large families, in a time when the earth is threatened by over-consumption, is acting irresponsibly.

So how can Jews respond to the depopulation crisis, without violating these notions of personal privacy, responsibility to one’s family, and responsibility to the global community?

I contend that we can attempt to reverse the trend through better outreach, education, reform and, most importantly, by opening our arms to interfaith couples.

The most effective strategy that Jews could adopt to stem the tide of depopulation is to respond to the undeniable reality of the high rate (roughly 50 percent) of intermarriage.

The more we demand that our children marry only Jews, and deny them the rights and privileges of Jewish worship if they don’t, the more we send the message that we do not value their continued identity as Jews.

Stories abound of Jews who have left Judaism with anger and resentment when they could not find a rabbi willing to perform their inter-faith weddings, or when their synagogue would not hold bar or bat mitzvah ceremonies for the children of their mixed marriages. We are contributing to our own demise by not being inclusive.

Congregation Shalom’s recent decision to perform interfaith marriages, on the condition, among others, that the couple will agree to raise their children Jewish, is a step in the right direction.

Population decline is a legitimate concern for all Jews. We must find solutions other than encouraging large families, however, for that solution sacrifices and negates those principles that represent some of the best qualities of the spirit of Judaism.

Kathie Zieve Norman is a Milwaukee attorney, the current chair of the board of Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, a member of Congregation Shalom and a mother of two.